New Arashi Single?

It certainly sounds like Arashi to me! And it would make sense that they’d do the theme for Aiba’s drama, right?

Also, I get the feeling this is going to be one of those dramas which is meant to be cute, but actually makes my cry buckets. Even from just this teeeny bit of dialogue. “Because I’m waiting for you.” “7 years ago, there was the love I’ll never forget.” And then the cuuuute girl putting the necklace around his neck. “As long as you have this, you won’t be lonely.”

New Arashi! Cute new drama. I’m looking forward to October.

The Storm

Yesterday, we had a storm.

All evening, you could feel it coming. The air had that pre-storm heaviness to it, like a promise of what was to come. And then I had a mini-adventure.

I think I’m a fairly spontaneous person. Certainly annoying to travel with, because no matter where we’re going, I always want to take a detour, see this place with a interesting name, go to some weird sounding festival, just stop here cos it looks pretty. But it’s hard to find people who agree. Well, last night, just before the storm, I was walking back from my club with two friends. It’s about a 5 minute walk back to my dorm, but just as we left the club, we spotted the free campus shuttle. “Let’s get on it!” said one of my friends. We didn’t really know where it goes or where it stops, but of course we got on, expecting it to turn right at the end of the road and head towards our dormroom. It turned left.

We went down by the lake, around through grad student apartment areas, and some places that we didn’t recognise in the slightest. It was already 11:30pm, so everywhere was pitch dark, in a way I’d never seen southern campus before. And we just stared out of the window and enjoyed the ride. Eventually, we got off the bus near the Dinky train station (about… a 5 minute walk from our dorm) and walked up campus. And then the storm started… sort of. Suddenly, a flash of lightning lit up the sky. There was no thunder, no rain. Just this flash. A minute later, there was another flash, two flashes fast in succession. And just as my roommate and I reached our dorm room, light drops of rain began to fall.

The windows in my dorm room are pretty amazing. By sitting on a bookcase and leaning onto the windowsill, I could push our slanted window really high and reach out. I live on the third floor of a Gothic style building, and the window is at a point where two slanty bits of roof meet. There’s a small platform outside my window between those roofs, sloping downwards. I can see roofs, windows, a courtyard, and sky… and as I leaned out, juuust before the storm, I felt so at rest. So captured in the moment. The sky was a swirled red, lit up every now and again by those flashes (which seemed so much closer now, on the third floor). The air was completely still. Then the rain started up again, just drizzle again. Then it got heavier, and I stuck my arm out further to catch the raindrops. And then it started getting heavy enough to come in through the slanted window, so I had to shut it and come inside. And just as I did that, the thunder started.

I moved into my roommate’s bedroom, where a slanted window spread right over her bed. She lay there, staring up at the storm, the room getting lit up every minute or so with lightning, and then shook by the now loud thunder. And there, wrapped up in the storm, we sat for ages and talked, about the past, about relationships, and all of that fun stuff.

And then, as the storm quieted, we went to sleep.

Buzzer Beat

So, Buzzer Beat has come to an end. I’m partly sad, although I think it was definitely time for it to reach a conclusion. Although I LOVED the drama for the first several weeks, the 8th and 9th episodes felt a bit lackluster to me (hence the lack of excited screencap summaries), and although I really enjoyed the 10th and 11th episodes, there was an element of just throwing in more stuff for the sake of drama and a longer story. But despite that, it was still a really great drama to watch. It was fun, it was sweet, it was so romantic at times that I thought I would die from jealousy… I got really into the story, loved the main couple, and found many of the supporting characters (Mai, Shuji, Naoki’s mum) really great too. Sure, it was a little bit cheesy, and there was a hell of a lot of topless-YamaP fanservice, but this was all only in a good way.

For me, the drama had a lot of personal significance too. I started watching it while in Tokyo, with my wonderful roommates, for one thing. We went to Fuji Terebi studios, and although we were motivated by VS Arashi, we saw Buzzer Beat things, ate Buzzer Beat basketball bagels (too much alliteration there), and I even bought a JC Arcs keychain that is currently keeping Aiba-chan company on my bag. We went to places like Akihabara, and worked out when we had to leave based entirely on “Buzzer Beat is on at 9pm.”

But most significantly, for me, Buzzer Beat was the first drama I ever watched without subtitles. I started watching it without subtitles, I finished watching it without subtitles… my entire understanding of what happened is based on the spoken Japanese alone. (And because of this, I may actually have an entirely inaccurate picture of the show, but I don’t think so). When I first started, 11 weeks ago now, I barely understood anything. Now, if I simply watch it, I can follow it quite well. If I’m not lazy, and watch with the pause button and a dictionary, I can get almost all of it. Not bad, for 3 months work.

Plus, this gave me an even greater appreciation of YamaP than even Proposal Daisakusen gave me, so that’s another big plus, I suppose.

And now? Well, since I do have assigned Japanese work, independent research and 3 other classes to balance, I’ll probably stick to one unsubtitled drama at a time. So, on top of my three weekly Arashi variety shows and Aiba, MatsuJun and Nino’s radio shows (thank you, Arashi, for providing me with SO MUCH enjoyable listening practice each week!), starting next month I’ll be watching My Girl. Not only does it star Aiba, but it also falls pretty perfectly into the kind of Japanese that I can understand. And in the meantime, I’m going to try to finish Smile (I’m just waiting to find subs for the final episode. Since I started this one with subs, and I know approximately zero legal Japanese, I’ve decided to watch with subs to the end), and also watch more of Yamada Tarou Monogatari when I have time and need slightly mindless, cute Arashi drama with deep slashy undertones…

But for now… thanks, Buzzer Beat, for a great summer!

The HAPPINESS project

When I started this blog, that’s what I said it would be. A “happiness project,” where I’d only write about good things, and not dwell on worries. A blog for “a barefoot future.” But recently, more negative thoughts have been sneaking into this blog. I am a little stressed or frustrated or concerned about several things, and so starting to focus on those things more than I should, even though my reactions are the exact opposite of what I would hope them to be.

All those self-help and “zen life” blogs and articles always say that you should “reject negative energy” and not care about what others think, as though simply doing that is easy. In reality, I find it a very difficult thing to do. I’ve got into a mess with speaking Japanese, because I allow worry and feelings of inadequacy to cripple me. I almost took down my Arashi posters and shop photos yesterday, because person I barely even know, who come into my room, look at the single Arashi poster by my desk and make comments like, “Dude, do you have a thing for Asian guys?” and “wow, a girl with yellow fever, that’s rare.” Because starting to study Japanese and then, somewhere along the way, discovering a band I really like that, gasp, comes from Japan, is so unexpected and weird. And yet, I let it get to me.

But yesterday, I was walking back from a restaurant after a dinner out with friends, and god were my shoes killing me. They were those wonderful blisters-in-two-seconds shoes. So somewhere along the way, I gave up with my limping and took them off, walking the rest of the way barefoot. It wasn’t a very warm day, so the pavement slabs were smooth and cool against my feet. It was dark, and there was nowhere around, and that little walk, shoes in hand and feet flat against the ground, felt so… calm. Peaceful. Free from any worries. Even free from the worry of embarrassment if someone comes along. And that’s what a barefoot future is, to me.

So no more even considering posting anything negative here. At least one happy thing a day. A video, a song lyric, a book, something interesting that happened.

So on that note, my current motivating song… The Fight Song! (I really do like the lyrics, even though they never actually sing them in concerts).

Especially one bit seems really fitting about my Japanese speaking worry right now. “人が人、自分が自分。比べた時点で負けてる。自分に負けない強さが、どんな壁をも壊していく！”　”People are people, you are who you are. You are losing when you compare yourself. You have the strength in yourself not to lose. Whatever the walls, you will go on and break them.”

Actually, forget that. The whole song is great, since it continues: “時には泣いていいよ。弱いとこ見せても大丈夫。でも、そこで腐るな！まだやれるその先の夢。”　”It’s good to cry sometimes. It’s OK to show some weak spots. But, don’t get stuck there! You can still achieve your dream from before.”

And I think that sentiment, more than the fake “you must be happy ALL THE TIME” self-help nonsense you see a lot, is a much better one to stick by.

Daddy Aiba

Have I mentioned how excited I am for Aiba’s new drama? Excited in a, “God, why is October so far away?!” sort of way. I mean, there are plenty of reasons to be happy. It’s AIBA MASAKI (<3<3 etc etc), in his first starring role. He’s playing a young dad, and since just seeing him dancing with the Juniors make my heart go all a-flutter, seeing him being all fatherly with an actual little kid may just kill me. (And, on a practical level, quiet domestic drama like this is absolutely perfect for me to watch without any subtitles, unlike, for example, a crime or medical drama ).

I already knew I was fairly doomed when it came to this drama. And then I saw this clip for the first time:

I have never said “Kyaa~” in my life, and hoped I was kind of above it, but… ohhhh, Ai~ba! If anything is “kyaa~”able, it’s Aiba reading a bedtime story to a baby lioncub.

Since the video isn’t subbed, a quick translation, all said to the lioncub. “Is it hard for you to drink? What should I do? Drink, drink! *singing* Drink, drink, drink, drink! Yes, drink.” (Later), “Shimuken, are you going to go to sleep? Soon? If you don’t go to sleep early, you won’t be able to wake up tomorrow!” (Again, kyaaa, father!Aiba!). (Later) “Let’s go to sleep! Can’t you sleep? OK, Shimuken, come here. I’ll read you a book. This is a story called Momo Tarou. OK? This is a Japanese story.”

It’s a famous children’s story: an old washer woman finds a giant peach floating in the river, and takes it home to find a baby in the middle. She looks after him as he grows up, and then, after befriending a team of talking animals, goes on to slay the demons who are plaguing his town. Aiba’s reading the part where the grandma finds the peach. And I think Aiba’s childish delight while reading this is the best part of the whole video.

And god, is this totally fatherly and adorable. So… yes. When “My Girl” starts airing, even if it’s only 1/10th as cute as I think it will be… I am fairly doomed. Although perhaps the fact that I am squeeing over how gorgeous and adorable “Daddy Aiba’ is another sign of that whole “aging” thing… meaning maybe I’m doomed either way.

Changes

Things are moving rather quickly right now.

I got my Japanese placement test results this morning, and had a bit of a shock. They placed me into JPN 305 – 4th year Japanese. I have only been studying Japanese for exactly one year at this point, and only completed 1st year Japanese (“Watashi ha… nihon ni ikitain desu” to ka) less than four months ago. I emailed my sensei in confusion, but there was no mistake. I did place into 4th year. I guess my Arashi addiction has paid off in my understanding skills?

However, I decided to take 3rd year, and the 3rd year sensei agreed with me. Progressing to 4th year level in 12 months is too fast, and although I could do it, my Japanese will benefit from the firm grounding of 3rd year before I tackle advanced grammar and start doing things like reading literature (at least officially. I hope to progress from manga onto something more sophisticated sometime this year). In particular, I think I need to develop my speaking skills – I’m a very shy person and I have to feel 100% confident to be able to speak well, even in English. It’s better to slowly build up my safe zone, than to push to my limit and end up freezing up.

I also started the official change to East Asian Studies major. God, I am freaking out now it’s started… but later today I had a management meeting for Princeton Asia Review, the publication for which I’m managing editor. And as we discussed potential topics to solicit from our writers, I got so excited every time Japan came up, whether I was talking about racism in Japan or the pressures on women that made the latest trend of Butler or Prince cafes so popular. Plus I got to gush and have people go, “Wow, that’s so interesting!” at the end, instead of, “OK, shut up about Jane Austen now, no one cares.”

I am filled with uncertainty right now, about my studies, about what I want to be doing right now. I blame Japan. At one point, Princeton was an exciting new world, and I wanted nothing more than to study. Now I am desperate to get out of the Orange Bubble and see new things.

But on the bright side, the meeting today really was lovely. I wish I had taken my camera. We held it at the Junior BBQ (ever professional), and just sat on the grass, hacking out our thoughts and plans while eating (veggie) burgers and occasionally saying “Hi!” to friends. And once it got dark, the fireflies came out and surrounded us. It was amazing. Perhaps it’s part of not growing up with them, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying, “WOW!” in child-like wonder every time I see a firefly light up. And being surrounded by them… amazing.

That Aging Thing

Well, I am now officially 21 years old.

I would say, “Oh, I can’t believe I’m so old!” except that… I can, these days. I feel far more like a girl in her twenties than a girl in her teens. I’m also not a massive fan of days like birthdays and Christmas, simply because there’s always that pressure to have a better-than-normal day. And in some ways, this day wasn’t “better than normal,” thanks to some academic stresses (apparently my Japanese listening skills are well above my expected level, but my kanji reading skills are still subpar…), and unfortunately some friend-related stresses too.

But my day had some great up-sides too, so I will focus on them. (Photos to come later). I woke up early, thanks to my jetlag, and straight away opened my presents and cards! Cards from relatives and old friends… a 21 Me to You Bear, pretty earrings and a cute mug from Phoebe, The Little Mermaid notebook and pencil case from Rachel, a Jemima Puddleduck figurine (ee!) and money for my Hong Kong/Japan summer savings from my parents, and some of the latest Arashi shop photos from my Tokyo roommate, Dawn.

I didn’t do much for most of the day, but a bit later on two of my roommates came back from a trip out with a biiiig bag of Lindt chocolates and some really cute Morning Glory notebooks for me! And my other friend bought me a grow-your-own-wish-crystal, hee. I don’t think I should be trusted with such chemicals…

And of course this evening, I went out with my roommates and some friends, to a Japanese in restaurant in town, where we chatted for a while, and I gorged on miso soup and vegetable tempura. Also, unexpectedly got another present from my other roommate and friend CinCin – a cuute soft toy duck screen cleaner (how do you describe those things?) and some multicoloured gel pens! Afterwards, we went to Twist, a yummy self-serve frozen yoghurt place in Princeton, and then went back to my dorm to play games like Broken-Picture-Telephone, Mafia and Munchkin.

And now my birthday is over, and I am inescapably 21. Unfortunately, I still feel as uncertain and worried as I did when I was 20, if not more so already! But we will see where that leads, I suppose.

In other news, Arashi officially turn 10 today! If we go by Japanese time, I was also born on the 15th, so we share a birthday? Maybe? Ah, this time difference stuff is confusing, but let’s say that we do. So Happy Debut-day to Arashi too!

Smile

Recently, I’ve been watching Matsumoto Jun’s latest drama, Smile. (I’ve only just finished episode 8, so no spoilers please!) I’m really enjoying it, in a… masochistic sort of way. Because I’m certainly not doing much smiling while watching it.

MatsuJun plays Hayakawa Bito, a half filipino guy who was born and raised in Japan. He was abandoned by his mother when he was younger, and has a criminal past after getting involved with  thug called Hayashi Seiji and taking the fall for a crime he didn’t commit, but has finally settled into what seems like happiness again. He works hard and dreams of one day opening an international restaurant, and although he still faces prejudice because of his filipino background, he’s determined to meet each challenge with a smile. One day he meets Mishima Hana, a girl left unable to speak by trauma, and together they become one of the most adorable couples J-drama has ever seen.

Although that cuteness is rather unfortunate, considering how determined the drama has been to crush my soul in every other way. Because of course, the characters don’t get to be happy for long. Bito is framed for drugs, and because of his “foreigner” status, few people will believe that he is innocent. And then Hayashi Seiji is released from prison, and becomes determined to force his way into Bito’s life again.

God, this drama is breaking my heart with each episode, and it isn’t even over yet. I mean, it’s not on One Liter of Tears level of tragedy, but then again, at least with One Liter of Tears, there is generally no blame for all the bad things going on. With Smile, the problem is always people and their prejudices. And the pain and racism rings painfully true. Perhaps the most painful element is the theme of not belonging anywhere. Bito (and others) is constantly treated like an outsider, as though he does not really belong in Japan. But he only speaks Japanese, has only ever lived in Japan… Japan may not welcome him, but he has nowhere else to go. “Half-Japanese” is all he can be.

I think this was a really brave role for Matsumoto Jun to take. Although there many faults to be found in the fact that a purely Japanese person, with a tan, plays a critically half-filipino character… it’s a daring drama as a whole, because it is so overtly critical of the social norms, of the key concepts of insiders and outsiders, and where the line falls. And, of course, what happens if you are on the wrong side of the line. Perhaps they hoped that having an actor like Matsumoto Jun would pull in more viewers (although, for a MatsuJun drama, the ratings were fairly low). I feel he was up to the role, though, and all the acting in the series is very good. I’m especially impressed with Oguri Shun as Hayashi Seiji, because he managed to make me completely forget about Hanazawa Rui, and creeped me out more than pretty much anybody ever.

I wish that this J-drama had more press (or at least, more accessible English subs), because although it’s very different from most J-drama I’ve watched, I also think it’s truly excellent. And depressing. But mostly excellent. With a main couple that is adorableness incarnate.

At the very least, I think this should be required viewing for any fangirls of “all things Japanese” who think Japan is some sort of Asian wonderland. Just the fact that Japan has very little in the way of discrimination laws should tell you enough (hint: it isn’t because they’re unnecessary). But even though the drama obviously goes for the dramatic storyline, with escalating crimes and ever more unfortunate circumstances, it raises some really valid (and equally painful) points too.

And now to gather my emotional strength for the final few episodes.

In Defense of Ariel

Dearest Alex recently made a blog post about how much Mulan kicks ass. And I completely agree with her assessment that Mulan is all kinds of awesome.

But Mulan isn’t a princess from my childhood. By the time the film was released, I was 10 years old and in the midst of an “I’m too old for Disney” phase. I didn’t see it until I was 18, at which point I appreciated how awesome Mulan was, but it was too late to relate to her as I did my “childhood princesses,” like Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas (does she count as a princess?), and… Ariel. Because, as “unfeminist” as it might be called now, when I was little, Ariel was by far my favourite Disney princes. I absolutely loved Ariel.

And now… now, parts of the Little Mermaid make me cringe. She gives up all her friends, her family, her home, her whole life to be with a man she’s never actually spoken to? That doesn’t seem so good, Disney. But despite that… I still love Ariel, and don’t like all the bad press she gets as a character.

Yes, Ariel is a bit of a brat at some points. Yes, she makes some bad decisions. And yes, her bad decisions almost caused the death/capture of her father and made Ursula queen of the sea. But isn’t that a good thing? Ariel is probably the youngest of the princesses, at 16, and she actually acts like a 16 year old. Or even just like a freaking human being (ironic, really). She has flaws. She screws up. She is not simply screwed over and then saved by circumstances. She’s an agent in her own story, the most significant one in fact. And everything she touches doesn’t instantly turn to gold.

So Ariel is independent, or at least fighting to be so. She makes her own decision, fights for her ability to do what she believes is right for her, and won’t take no for an answer when she fights for her dreams.

Ariel also has a huge sense of adventure. Exploring shipwrecks? Going up to find out more about the fireworks and watch the party on the ship? The girl’s got guts. And talking about her bravery… she saves Eric from a flaming shipwreck. Perhaps this could be argued to be ignorance (“what’s a fire and why does it -what’s the word? – burn?”), but wimpy damsels in distress don’t usually tend to dodge flames and save the prince’s life.

Oh, and let’s not forget that although her father has a great prejudice (against humans), Ariel is able to stand up to him, and decide for herself that these kind of prejudices are nonsense.

But most importantly, at least to the 5 year old me, is that Ariel wants more. She wants more from her life. She dreams of going elsewhere, of visiting unknown places, learning about things that she can barely dream of. Of “jumping, dancing, strolling along down a … street.” Things she can’t do, but has heard of, and longs to try. In my mind, the prince was incidental, a mere excuse. Eric or no Eric, she wanted to leave the small bubble of home and see everything else that the world had to offer. Even as a little kid singing along to Part of Your World, I could identify with that.

This moment in particular was really striking, because it was basically Ariel saying, “I won’t take no for an answer. I know what I want, and it seems impossible, but I will pursue my dreams and make them happen.” Which I think is a pretty good attitude if you want to get anywhere in life.

And if that doesn’t convince you? Well, she’s a freaking mermaid. With red hair. How could she not be awesome?

Namida no Nagareboshi

God, I am obsessed with this song right now. The lyrics! (Aiba playing the guitar!) I could listen to it alll day.

Although I really should stop listening to songs like this, cos once again, just the sound of this makes me want to cry. Not necessarily a bad kind of crying, but… yes. Why do songs that are ultimately positive stories about love end up doing that to me?